June 18, 84  
To be refused discussion  
Of an exciting topic  
Hurts like a refusal of sex  
In the heat of heats.  
It sickens equally,  
Lifts the top of the head,  
And produces suicidal hopelessness  
In the face of existential aloneness.  

This is a pretty high class problem - the lack of a person to discuss academics with, but God, it hurts. Only today I was giving thanks for you intelligence, and then you refuse it. I wish I was back in mycave, with everything neatly bottled up and under control. What is the point of being alive if there is no one to share with? I think I will go mad for a while.  

I think I will go mad for a while  
And escape the torments of life.  
Madmen must be truly alone  
Lost in their own little world  
Peopled by fantasies of their own choosing  
And untroubled by the need for others.  

I think I will go mad for a while  
But only a while,  
A trip to the barn on a stormy night,  
Carrying a lamp and equipped with a line...  
There I will search for unresolved conflicts  
Mired in cobwebs.  
Maybe they will fetch a good price  
At the next auction!